Best complement ever...

I went in to see one of my patients yesterday at the beginning of my shift and introduced myself. He looked up at me and said, "Wow, you don't look like a nurse".

"Oh, I don't do I?", I said (expecting him to reply back and say that I looked too young to be nurse or I look like a 12 year old or something).

He replied back, "No, you look like a movie star".

I was of course very taken aback and half laughed. I told him that I'd never heard that one before and wanted to know who paid him to say that. "Oh, nobody paid me," he said.

"Well, thanks" I said.

I of course went out and told several staff members how my patient told me that I looked like a movie star and I felt all glamorous for about an hour or so.

Then I went to do my hourly rounds on my patients. The nice gentleman was sleeping by this time and I went over to his bedside table to quietly clean off some old food and trash. When I picked up a napkin, I suddenly saw something sitting under it that made me quickly come back to reality...

...He hadn't been wearing his (very thick lensed) glasses when he talked to me earlier. I remembered that he wasn't wearing any at the time and there they were now sitting on his bedside table. Oh well. Nonetheless, it wasn't a bad way to start the work week.

Grumble, grumble...

I'm not voting Republican this next Tuesday based on one very important fact: They obviously don't care about the plight of the night R.N.'s who need their valuable sleep because they send their solicitors to these R.N.'s doors at 9:45 a.m. to campaign! Not only door bell ringing, but door pounding too. I wish I'd known who it was so I would have crawled out of bed to answer the door and yell at them. However, I did have Oscar to give them a piece of my mind...hopefully the solicitor understood dopey, howling black lab/hound language....

...This afternoon I angrily tore up the propaganda (which also let a draft into my house because it prevented the storm door from being shut properly) and placed it in my recycling bin.......Now I'm crabby, tired, but at least environmentally friendly....

Curly

I've never had to spend so long convincing somebody that I have naturally curly hair.

The usual conversation is: "Is your hair naturally curly?". "Why yes it is". "Wow, you're lucky. People pay a lot of money to have your hair". "Why thank you". End of conversation.

However, one of the nursing assistants working on my unit last night came up to me and said,
"So, I see you decided to curl your hair again".
I thought it was a joke and in reference to the fact that I was wearing my hair down at that moment and I usually have my hair pulled back at work. Or maybe the fact that I frequently have patients commenting about my hair (like the conversation up above).
Since I thought she was joking, I used my usual,
"Why yes, I took each individual hair this evening and curled them one by one like I do every day".
However, this was followed by a furrowed brow and silence. I realized that perhaps she wasn't getting my sarcasm and I said bluntly, "Yeah, my hair is always curly. It's naturally curly".
"No it's not," she said. "Yes it is,"I said chuckling. "No, it's not", she repeated a little angrily. "Um, yeah it is...," I said...now getting a little miffed myself. "Really?! No, your hair isn't really curly...". Followed by another nurse on the unit, also getting a bit annoyed, who said, "Yes it is! It always has been!". And the broken record again said, "No it's not". Followed by a chorus of, "Yes it is!!!". "Oh," she said "I thought you and Kristin (another RN) curled your hair just for fun".
Oh goodness. She really thought I was pulling her leg the whole time. And she started to get pretty agitated with me about it too. I guess I better hold back my sarcasm on the job because some of the other employees (or probably just the one) must think I'm always joking and don't know when to stop.
Luckily, stupid conversations like this break up my busy nights once in awhile...whether it be with patients or clueless fellow employees.

No Comment...

Dog takes world's smallest bath
Originally uploaded by Honey Bunches of Trouble.

I just found this photo of Honey on Lizz' flickr site. I just don't know what to say....

Another year...

R&J 2nd Anniversary, September 5th 2006

Alaska

Grizzly Bear Momma

We finally posted our photos here from our AMAZING trip to Alaska. Either view in slideshow or detailed view (for more commentary). I uploaded them in "archival" format on flickr, so you should be able to choose to magnify individual photos to see them in better detail on the website.

Baby Steps

I've started getting serious about planning a brewery, and have spent a lot of my free time the last few weeks in front of the computer. I've devoted a lot of that time to creating hypothetical brewing schedules based on having different numbers and sizes of fermenters, and a lot more of it to haphazardly web-researching every issue that pops into my head. A search for "brewery layout" led me to this weblog of an upstart brewery in Santa Cruz. Although the context of my search phrase was irrelevant, I was fascinated and spent the rest of tonight reading their story from the beginning - I'm about halfway done and am calling it quits to maintain the proper balance in my life (aka go to sleep two hours late). As a sidenote, brewing organic beer is a possibility that I've acknowledged but not given a whole lot of consideration to. Being here in Madison where organic beer would 1) likely go over very well and 2) doesn't exist yet, I should give it a lot more thought.

I've also managed to take a couple of bigger steps in the last couple of weeks. First, I signed up for this small business course. Thanks for the tip, Margie! Second, I told a couple of my bosses today that I plan on cutting back my hours in the near future to work on opening my own brewery. Rich, the head brewer, is supportive and doesn't mind keeping me around while I moonlight, as long as I give him advance notice about when I'll be gone and do the same when I quit for good. David, the owner, cocked his head, raised an eyebrow, chuckled, may have sneezed the word "idiot" and told me that we should sit down sometime and talk about the logistics of opening a business. Working a day or two less each week will enable me to talk with people during normal working hours. People who I need to contact include equipment manufacturers, government officials, utility providers, other brewers, contractors, lawyers, junkyard owners, back-alley welders, potential investors, the devil and certain restaurant contacts who Robyn has graciously put me in touch with. Onward!

Kickapoo Country Fair

Joe, Sara, Laura (old grad school buddy and former roomie of Sara's) and I went to the Kickapoo Country Fair yesterday.

Here's a description of the fair from the website:
The Kickapoo Country Fair will take place Saturday and Sunday, July 29-30 on the grounds of Organic Valley's world headquarters in La Farge, Wisconsin, set in the ancient and beautiful hills of the Kickapoo River Valley.
This rural heritage and farming festival will be a showcase of rural cultural traditions, farm and garden exhibits, music, dance, arts, natural and organic foods and cooking, green housing and renewable energy, community health and education, environmental responsibility, and eco-development.


Although deadly hot outside, it was a lot of fun. It took place on Organic Valley Family of Farms property (you may have bought or seen their products at the local co-ops or organic foods sections of grocery stores). As you can tell from the description, it wasn't your typical fair.


Wizard of Oz gone bad


There were lots of organic food goodies, eco-friendly vendors, and even a hybrid car display. It did have the typical arts & crafts, kids' games, farm animals, 4-H demos, butter churning, baskets, quilts, etc. However, it had a bunch of "sustainability" workshops--such as the essential oils for first aid workshop that we attended. Sara and I made a lemon-eucalyptus mosquito repellent to take home (have yet to test its effectiveness). And I have to make sure to pick up some lavender and peppermint oils for our upcoming cruise (to have on hand for any nausea...aside from their many other uses).

As you can see below, Sara decided against buying a hybrid car and found a much more useful, efficient vehicle.


It only needs a few minor adjustments for her...such as pedals that her feet can reach.

Luna's Guide to Safety

Welcome to "Luna's Guide to Safety". In this first segment, we will visit Thunderstorm Safety. According to Luna's years of research investigation, it is prudent to use one or all of the following safety tips to avoid potential harm from loud booms and lightning:

Tip #1: Come in from the storm.

Luna says that the first step in any Thunderstorm is to come inside immediately!

If this means yelling,....

....begging, or scratching...

....so be it. At least you're in from the dreaded rain, booms, and lightning now.

The remaining tips in this segment address locations of safety to seek out for the remainder of the storm.

Tip #2: Shelter--The Desk

One of Luna's hiding spots...errrr...I mean safety locations, is under the desk. This will prevent lightning bolts from hitting your head.



Tip #3: Shelter--The Futon or Couch

The next area to seek out is behind a large piece of furniture, such as a couch or futon. This tight, enclosed area forms a barrier of protection and sense of comfort during the storm.





Tip #4: Shelter--#1 Safety Location

Last, but not least, is Luna's #1 recommended area of safety....the toilet.



Well...we're not quite sure about the scientific reasoning behind this one and Luna wasn't really able to give us a distinct reason for why this is a "safe" location. However, it makes her happy...so why wouldn't it be good for the rest of us too...



Thanks to Luna, we can now endure our next thunderstorm!

For future safety tips and tricks from Luna, you'll have to buy her book (sold only in select stores) or visit her in her hometown for private lectures. Finally, Luna would like to acknowledge one of her great influences, Walter. She uses his "inspiration" (or expiration) in all of her best work.

Waltskopf Summer 2006 Update

We haven't done much blogging lately, so here's a Waltskopf summer update:

April: Visited Joe & Bret in Atlanta at their wonderfully renovated house in the "outskirts" of Atlanta. We then went to a beautiful wedding on a farm outside of equally beautiful Athens, GA for my cousin Lewis and Sabrina. While waiting for Josh's plane to arrive in Atlanta, Joe W., Sara, and I ate at a restaurant called "Six Feet Under". It sits across from...you guessed it...a cemetery. Fantastic menu, including seafood (to make it punny), great view from the balcony...great recommendation from Joe & Bret.

May: Joe & I signed up for sailing through the UW's Hoofer's Sailing Club. We took a two day lesson and have our first rating on one of their boats. We need to find more time to go out on the lake more.
We also went to wedding #2 of the summer on May 20th. John and Liz (Herald) had a beautiful wedding and reception in Plymouth, Michigan.

Dale, Kathy, and Jeanne at Kathy's son's wedding

June: Middle of May, we headed up around the UP (that's 'Upper Peninsula' for non-Michigan folk) and spent a long weekend at one of our favorite places--Walloon Lake. We rented Gio's (old college "buddy" of Don Walts') cabin as a holiday present for Mark. Chris, Mark, and Buddy (big crazy black lab) met Joe, Oscar, and me up there. Joe, Oscar, and I had a bit of car engine temperature trouble with the good, ol', reliable Dodge Stratus. Joe got his first glimpse of lovely Green Bay while spending a couple of hours at a service gas station off of the highway. The car behaved the rest of the weekend, until we headed back to Madison at the end of the weekend, when the temperature light went on again. By turning off the A/C and blasting the heater toward the ground we made it safe and sound back to the Mad City. Our only casualty was poor Oscar. At one point, past Escanaba, I think the turning the heat on and off got to him. We thought the car was behaving and had the heater turned off. We then saw the temp indicator go up, said "Oh, $%&#", turned on the heat again, and suddenly heard a "Bleah!!" as Oscar vomited on Joe's backseat. Yeah...despite the car trouble, we still had a fun weekend. While the boys went out on the boat one of the days, Oscar and I played fetch in the water (yes, I did have to fetch sometimes when Oscar was too wimpy) and I got to watch my World Cup games. Anyone up for going to South Africa in four years for the next Cup?
In June, Joe and I also took Fly Fishing lessons from my dad's friend (Jeff Smith). We started by practicing with several rods out on the grass near his condo in Middleton. We then moved onto practicing at Salmo Pond out in Cross Plains. When we graduated the pond, we headed out to Black Earth Creek, put on the waders and headed out into the stream. We didn't catch anything, but it was a beautiful, sunny day, it was fun to be out in the water, and I didn't fall in the waders. A very successful outing, I would have to say. Fly casting is much more difficult, but I like it more than regular rod & reel casting. We still have a lot of work to do on our technique, but both Joe and I enjoyed it. Hopefully we'll find time to get out in the streams again this year.

July: We headed back to Michigan (again) in July for Joe's family reunion (Mom's side). Not only was it a family reunion, but also a celebration of Joe's grandparents' 70th wedding anniversary. Pretty amazing. Short, but enjoyable weekend with his family. We were able to also fit in a quick visit with Don and Anne on our way out. On our way to Michigan, we made it as far as Janesville (about 30-45 minutes) before Joe's temperature gauge went up again. Let's just say that after many expletives, we headed back to Madison, regrouped, drank a beer, got a good night of sleep, and headed out the next morning in my (actual) reliable 1989 Toyota Camry. Although it was wonderful and fun to spend time with Joe's family, I think we're glad to have a little break from traveling the rest of this month. Joe's car is now fixed (knock on wood) and we've a had couple weekends at home to enjoy the summer in Madison. On the 5th of July, we went to see the Shakespeare Play "Measure for Measure" at Spring Green's American Player's Theatre. We joined Sara's gang that goes out there annually. It's a lot of fun. You head out early to picnic in the park area. After dinner, you head up a winding path through the woods to get to the outdoor theatre grounds. It's a very neat experience. By the time the play is over, it's dark outside and you follow the lightly lit path back to the car. As Sara will tell you, the nice thing is that if you don't like the play, you can stay amused by watching the bats fly around as they pick off mosquitos and other bugs. However, the play was very good and we also got hooked-up with some free beer from one of the brewers of Furthermore. Joe knows the brewer, Aran, because JT Whitney's did some contract brewing for them. Aran's sister is also one of the core actors with APT.
Mid-month we celebrated Sara's birthday at yummy Lulu's (best Middle Eastern restaurant in Madison). That weekend, we biked downtown on one of the hottest weekends of the year to meet up with Sara downtown at the Farmer's Market (as well as the annual Paddle & Portage race) and treated her to Cafe Soleil's beyond delicious croissants and pastries. We later headed over to La Fête de Marquette (Bastille Day) celebration which also raised money for Wil-Mar Neighborhood Center and Urban Open Space Foundation. The festival was on the grounds of the area that will hopefully be Madison's very own "Central Park" in the not too distant future. We heard some incredible African and French Caribbean bands, as well as ate some fried catfish, shrimp, and alligator from a vendor that had travelled up from New Orleans. Another yum! The follow day, which was even hotter, Joe and I got up early to bike to breakfast and then headed downtown to visit Madison's Maxwell Street Days. Joe bought his very first Wisconsin t-shirt for $2. This means that Joe now has more Wisconsin than Michigan paraphernalia. No, he's not a traitor. He just needs something "Wisconsin" to wear to blend in when we go to UW Hockey games this year--the only way Joe gets to see Hockey in person (aside from the games he plays in at the local arenas).
This last week, we had a HUGE storm with winds the equivalent of a category 1 hurricane. We lucked out on not having tree limbs fall on or into our house like some people, but we did have our phonebox almost yanked off of our house. A tree limb must have fallen on the phone line, which yanked it off of our house and pulled the box with it.

Destroyed Phone Box

As for future events...Our next big event is our trip to Alaska! We're going on a 7 day cruise with Don (& Anne) and some of his family. We're very excited. I'm sure we'll have lots of photos to show when we come back. The day after we get back is the Great Taste of the Midwest. It's sponsored by the Madison Homebrewers and Tasters Guild that Joe is a part of. However, WE will be serving for JT Whitney's this year. I got a taste of serving for JT Whitney's this last weekend when I met up with Joe at "Cheers to a Cure", a beer, wine, and gourmet food tasting at Capital Brewery to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Just like at the hospital, I attract very strange (but very nice) people who talk to me forever about absolutely nothing. Nursing has helped hone my skills of talking about nothing. It was more fun than I thought and I'm looking forward to putting on my lederhosen and serving at the Great Taste. When people ask me what I do for JT Whitney's, I'm getting used to saying "Oh, I don't work there, I'm just a brewer's wife". All these new "titles" I have to get used to.... Only within the last year or so, I got used to saying that I am a "wife". Now I'm getting used to being "the nurse" and "the brewer's wife".

More events up and coming too, but we'll get to them another time. However, a quick congratulations to our former Ann Arbor roomies and one of my best buds: Congrats to Lizz and Scott on their engagement! They survived living with Joe and me for two years, they can survive anything together!

Michigan Brewing Festival: July 2004

Munchkin Nursing

Since almost three weeks ago, I am a pediatric nurse. Our department houses both adults and children. For almost the last year, I have been working solely on the adult end of the unit. It has been a nice change of pace to work with the kids and their families rather than off in "adult land". In addition to working with a different patient population, I've also been working during daylight hours. Although the daylight thing will be soon be coming to an end (I'm going back to nights on Saturday), at least I'll have even more nursing experience under my belt that can take me elsewhere if I want to some day. We're losing one of our pediatric nurses to a different shift and another to maternity leave soon. Therefore, I'll probably be working with the kids a lot on nights. Our pediatric population fluctuates, which means I'll still be working with adults most of the time too. Having adult and pediatric patients at the same time will be a challenge, but it will keep me on toes and out of trouble.

The worst thing about pediatric nursing....Taking IVs out of young kids. For some reason, having the tape removed that keeps the IV in place is the worst agony in the world for a child. Ugh. And aside from knocking out the lovely child completely (please don't call social services on me), there is absolutely nothing you can do to make the experience any more pleasant. I'm not sure if it's worse for the kid that has the IV or for the nurse whose ear drums are shattered by the screams. Oh wait...let me think...Oh yeah, it's DEFINITELY much worse for the nurse. You'll have to excuse me if I ask you to repeat what you say a few more times than usual.

The best thing about pediatric nursing...I get to use one of my favorite medical words: INTUSSUSCEPTION. Yeah, it's NOT a fun ailment for a child to have and I don't wish it upon anyone. Nonetheless, I love saying the word...In-tuss-u-scep-tion...ooooooh, say it again. Sorry, I've always been an odd duck.

Hailstorm

Last night, we had a large, damaging (but very quick) hailstorm come through the area. Hail as large as tennis and baseballs fell and caused damage across the region. Luckily, our only noticeable damage is a circular crack to Joe's front windshield and some dents and chipped paint to a metal awning that covers the front of our garage.


"Okay, which one of you broke Joe's windshield?...We can either do this here...or we can talk under the heat lamp..."


No, it's not one of my Mom's matso balls,...it's a large piece of hail on a large soup spoon

Beer Recipe, Part Deux

My second beer recipe at JT Whitney's has been fermenting away since last Friday! It's a Belgian Abbey Ale, which means it'll have a ton of yeast-derived character. I tell the beer geeks that it'll be between a dubbel and tripel in color, but less alcoholic than both. It'll be similar to what the brewing monks drink within the walls of their monestaries. To the more socially-adjusted beer drinkers, it'll be like Blue Moon but slightly darker and WAY BETTER! For those of you in town, it should be on tap in about two weeks. To those of you from out of town: the futon in my basement is lonely.

In non-beer news (does it exist? I feel so one-dimensional), my trombone and I have been making sporadic appearances in a weekly blues jam. At Whitney's. Did you actually think that it wouldn't have anything to do with beer? Anyway, it's been fun but not captivating enough to justify all of the practicing it takes to keep my chops up. I've fallen off the wagon the last couple of weeks, and it'll take me another two or three to reach playing shape again. What I need is a regular band, preferably one that plays rock music and writes its own songs, and a later start time at my job :).

Minne-ha-ha

I had a terrific time hanging out in the twin cities this weekend visiting Kate. And congrats to Nick and Kate on their recent engagement! Hurrah! I'm so happy for you both! Okay, I'll stop there...I promised her I'd stop going on about it so much. :)

Anyways, we had a fun time hanging out at Kate's cute little apartment and wandering the Grand Street area near her place....Tattoos, piercings and all. Don't worry, I remained needle free, mom and dad. What happens in St. Paul, stays in St. Paul.

We got a chance to meet Megan's new guy (Gabe), visit a great pub (Brit's) in downtown Minneapolis, and catch a brunch Sunday morning in Uptown with Josh before he went off to another exciting day at work and Robyn's old buddy (James). Robyn and I even made a stop out at Leinie's Lodge out in Chippewa Falls for a little brewery tour. Unfortunately, very disappointing...Joe would give a MUCH better tour.

It was great to get away for the weekend and be social during daylight hours. :)

Yeh for Detroit...or Sweden?

Hurrah for the Detroit Red Wings...Ummm...I mean Swedes for winning the Olympic Gold Medal in Hockey on Sunday! Lidstrom, Zetterberg, Holmstrom, Samuelsson, and Kronwall played a fabulous tournament. Always a fun bunch to watch. Find more about the Swedes of the Red Wings in this Detroit Free Press article from December. *Insert photo of Joe dressed as the Swedish Chef for Halloween here (I don't have a physical photo because I worked on Halloween)*.

Dog Sitting

Oscar the Mighty Tennis Ball Chewer


Oscar showing Luna a fun time

As you can see, a fun time is always had when visiting the Walts household. Luna had a very fun, exciting pajama party with Oscar this weekend. Sheesh...get a life, Rachel.

Midnight House Call

Around 12:30pm last night, Joe and I were startled awake by a ringing doorbell, pounding on the door and Oscar barking wildly. Of course a rush of possibilities are running through our head...a neighbor needs help, an accident happened outside, a psycho killer is trying to get into the house....
We get to the front door and there is a face at the glass with a flashlight pointing in at us. Joe opens the door and see that it is a police officer! She had come looking for me! Over two weeks ago, my manager had to take me off of the shift for last night, so I could attend a meeting during the day on Monday. However, she forgot to actually physically cross my name off of the schedule. Therefore, my unit thought I hadn't showed up for work. Added to the confusion and chaos, during the day I must have turned the ringer off of our house phone, not realized or remembered, and not turned the ringer back on. They had left three messages on my home phone and two on my cell phone. And then instead of calling the manager, they decided to call the police to have them go looking for me. I'm not sure if I should be flattered that they might have worried that something was wrong with me or if I should be annoyed that they sent the police to my house to bang my door down.

It's lucky that Joe and I didn't decide to go out to the bar late last night and had actually gone to bed at 10pm. If we weren't at home, I'm not sure if they would have tried to break into the house or what... Once the officer knew that I was there and ok, she said she was relieved that everything was fine, apologized for waking us, saw that I was calling work to check in, and then immediately left.

Needless to say, the adrenaline was definitely pumping and I didn't fall back asleep until after 3am. I got an apology call this am from my assistant manager. She said that it was her mistake, but she can't believe that the night shift called the police...

Popular Opinion Poll

Question of the day: knowing nothing else about the place, would a brewpub named The Bung Hole attract your patronage?

The term, which was redefined by Beavis & Butthead, actually originates from brewing. Specifically, from the traditional English method of brewing and its current resurgance due to the influence of groups such as CAMRA (CAMpaign for Real Ale; those goofy Brits). Before pressurized CO2 was industrially forced into beer to produce carbonation, brewers would allow the yeast to naturally carbonate their beers in kegs called casks. Today, beer that is carbonated by such a method is called cask-conditioned. The process of producing it is this:

-Fermented beer, with yeast still in it, is poured into the cask via a hole in its side. The name of the hole is THE BUNG HOLE.
-Typically, actively-fermenting beer is added to the keg to provide a source of sugar for the yeast.
-The cask is sealed by hammering a wooden stopper, called the bung, into the bung hole.
-The yeast ferment the sugar, creating pressurized CO2 gas that gets forced into solution because the cask is sealed and the gas has nowhere else to go. Voila, carbonation!

I'm thinking about using it as the name of my future brewery. Rachel is skeptical but I love it, so we're testing the waters.

Another name I've been tossing around is Curly Head Brewing Co. Rachel's last name means "curly head" in German, and the idea popped into my head around the time that she decided to take my last name. The only issue with Curly Head is that, while I think it's a cool tribute to Rachel's family, it wouldn't mean anything to anyone else initially. If we decide to name the pub something else, the parent company could always be Curly Head.

So how about it?

Today in History...

On this day in history, two great minds were born...


HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY, JOE!!!!!

And HAPPY 26th BIRTHDAY to Jackie back in Michigan too!!!!!

Here's to hoping you both have a wonderful day! (Now imagine a whole chorus of friends and family singing the "Happy Birthday" song to you extremely off key)
For more on this day in history, click here...

I searched and searched and searched. Congrats, this day in 1980 history is reserved for you two...You're both the only great things that seem to have happened to this world on February 7th, 1980. Although, I may have you beat because I think on this day I may have learned how to both briefly sit up unsupported without falling and play with my feet.

You're a nurse if....

This was sent to me by our assistant manager and I've seen some parts of it a couple of other places. Unfortunately, it's amazing how much of this is true. Sorry, a bit of it is a little crass.

"You may be a nurse if.....

You believe that every patient needs TLC...
... Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.

You would like to meet the inventor of the call light
some night in a dark alley.

You believe not all patients are annoying,
some are unconscious.

Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.

You know the phone number of every late night delivery place by heart.

You can only tell time by the 24 hr clock.

Almost everything can seem humorous....eventually.

When asked what color that patients diarrhea was, you show them your shoes.

You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.

Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the
scissors and clamps in your pocket.

You've been telling stories in a restaurant and
made someone at another table throw up.

You notice that you are using more 4 letter words
than you did before you started nursing.

Everytime someone asks you for a pen,
you can find at least 4 of them on you.

You don't get excited about blood unless it's your own.

You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to
convince the doctor is more difficult"

You've basted your thanksgiving turkey with a toomey syringe.

You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your
co-worker and to holler if they need help.

Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly normal.

Your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago's water tank.

When checking the level of a patients orientation,
you aren't sure of the answer.

You find yourself checking out other customers veins
in grocery waiting lines.

You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they
will drop near you and you'll have to do cpr on your day off.

You throw a party for a co-worker and use a urinal (clean of course)
as a lemon-aid pitcher and use a bed sheet for a tablecloth.

You hate to get dressed in "real clothes" because scrubs are what you
live in, and why can't they make jeans that comfortable.

You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work nights and
realize you don't need alcohol or drugs to hallucinate just lack of
sleep...

You pull over in some parking lot after working nights because you
are too tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking
on your window thinking you have had a stroke because
you are passed out in your car and drooling.

Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.

You have seen more penises than any prostitute.

You've sworn to have "No code" tattooed on your chest.

If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is,
it's just to help you understand our mindset and
questionable mental state."

Rachel the Terrible

I'm an evil, awful, despicable person. I had to take care of an elderly woman who is not only very confused, but also only speaks Romanian. Not a lick of English. Try talking sense into that. We tried calling family and having them talk to her to explain that lab needed to draw blood and I needed to give her insulin in her arm. Her son had left us a list of translated words. Unfortunately, they left out useful phrases, sentences and key words like "insulin", "blood sugar", "lab needs to draw blood", "we're not going to hurt you"...and many more useful terms that I could have used this morning. So, when Rachel with sharp needle in hand came poking towards her arm, cooperation was not to be had. Instead, it was kicking, flailing, and very likely a long line of curse words directed at yours truly. Who knows what she said, but I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't "Wow, you are the most wonderful nurse in the world".
The nursing assistant who had sat in the room all night and another nursing assistant had to help hold down her body and restrain her arms as I poked quickly and also tried not to poke myself or one of the aides. I felt absolutely rotten for it.